Poor Harper
by X3
Summary: Recollections of one night at a bar (Sorry the format refuses to cooperate)


Title:  Poor Harper
    
    Rated: PG
    
    Disclaimer: I own nothing; I am getting no money (I suppose I do own Pete, the corset top wearer and the corset top wanter, but they aren't worth mentioning)
    
    A/N:  Just something I wrote for a challenge.  "A little snippet/drabble that is not a narrative, but a conversation between 2 people that includes the phrase 'Poor Harper'"
    
    "Remember the time we stopped at that real nasty drift...Uhm Grenadine or something I think it was called" 
    
    "You mean Gerwich Drift? The one with the weird fungus growing everywhere? Stop giving me that perplexed look, you remember the fungus. It was blue." 
    
    "Oh Yeah, that's the one" 
    
    "You know you really are bad with names. Grenadine? And how could you possibly forget the fungus? It nearly ate Pete!" 
    
    "I know, poor Pete. But that's not important right now. Do you want to hear my story or not?" 
    
    "I was there, remember, I most likely experienced this story you want to tell me." 
    
    "No you didn't you didn't meet this guy. It was at the bar, you know, the Happy Moonbeam or whatever it was called. You were in the bathroom." 
    
    "The bar was called the Eternal Twilight and I did not get anywhere near that ladies room." 
    
    "You were in the Men's room trying to keep Pete from drowning in the toilet bowl." 
    
    "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." 
    
    "Pete sure was not pleased to hear that was a mushroom burger." 
    
    "Well the fungus had been trying to dissolve his flesh, like, what 10 minutes before that?" 
    
    "Pete needs to toughen up" 
    
    "So what happened while I was away?" 
    
    "I met this guy" 
    
    "There's a shocker" 
    
    "Shall I continue?" 
    
    "Was he cute?" 
    
    "Do you want to hear the story or not?" 
    
    "Excuse me, I just wanted a little bit of a visual for your narration. Was he like, tall dark and handsome with a mysterious accent of some sort?" 
    
    "Well, blond hair blue eyes, he was really cute. But more in a Doogie Howser sort of way." 
    
    "Doogie Howser was not cute" 
    
    "Both Doogie Howser and this man are total babes.  There shall be no more discussion on the matter." 
    
    "Fine, continue" 
    
    "Thank you. Well anyway, He comes over right after you leave to save Pete. He says his name is Harper." 
    
    "That name you remember" 
    
    "Did I not just explain he was Doogie cute?" 
    
    "Don't remind me." 
    
    "So Harper comes over and sits in Pete's seat across the table from me and leans back. I can tell he's trying to be real suave. But it's a bar, it's loud, I can't hear a word he's saying. So I lean across the table." 
    
    "Giving him a nice view of cleavage I'm sure." 
    
    "He was brilliant; I didn't even realize I was giving him an eyeful until I noticed the candle." 
    
    "The candle?" 
    
    "Remember, in the middle of the tables were those little burning pots? Well, I realized how close that little hanging string bow thing at the top was to the flame." 
    
    "You were wearing that cute little corset top weren't you?" 
    
    "Yeah, I love that shirt" 
    
    "Can I borrow that on Tuesday I'm going out with a guy?" 
    
    "Sure, but did you want to hear this story or just keep interrupting?" 
    
    "Oh yeah, sorry" 
    
    "No problem. So I pulled back. He must have though I was playing hard to get or something so he leaned closer. I thought he knew the candle was there, but next think you know he says, calm as anything 'Is something burning? Oh, it's me.'  I look down, he's on
    
    fire. He jumps up, spills his drink on the front of him which of course just makes things worse" 
    
    "He was on Fire?" 
    
    "On Fire" 
    
    "What! A guy was on fire and I didn't hear about it!" 
    
    "You were in the bathroom, smooching with Pete." 
    
    "I did not smooch Pete!" 
    
    "That's not what he says" 
    
    "He said he wouldn't say anything! The pig!" 
    
    "If it helps he said it was heavenly, and don't think I don't know who the Tuesday night guy is. It's totally Pete.  Now do you want me to continue with the flaming Harper story or not?" 
    
    "There's more?" 
    
    "Oh, so much more. So Harper's shirt is on fire. He rips it off, and starts stomping on it." 
    
    "Good, that'll put it out" 
    
    "Except it actually catches his baggy pants on fire. So, of course he needs to take those off too." 
    
    "So Doogie is in his underwear" 
    
    "Right-o Plaid boxer shorts and I will tell you the boy looked quite nice standing over the smoldering remains of his clothes." 
    
    "Wow that was quite a story" 
    
    "Did I say I was done?" 
    
    "He's in his underwear in a public place. I assume he scurried home to find some clothes." 
    
    "See that's why I'm the one telling this story. So I rush around the table with the tablecloth to try and help him out you know? Maybe he could make a toga or
    
    something. He claimed to be a genius, how hard could it be? He smiles this great smile and takes a step toward me. And he slips in my drink which had spilled on the floor and lands right on top of me. Well, the security team shows up about this time. Most likely
    
    because of all the screaming and whatnot. They seem to think with all my thrashing about that the mostly naked man is up to no good. So they knocked him unconscious with their tazers." 
    
    "And you didn't like, stop them?" 
    
    "I was extracting myself from the fungus filled floor. By the time I stood up he was down for the count. I told the officers what happened but they still charged him with lewd behavior or something like that." 
    
    "Even though he had just been on fire?" 
    
    "I believe they said they had to justify the tazering. I mean there are reports to fill out for stuff like that.  They took him back to his captain, but I didn't even get his address. Poor me." 
    
    "Try poor Harper" 
    
    "Hel-lo? Poor me? He was Doogie cute and I didn't get so much as a peck on the cheek." 
    
    "He was on fire, naked and arrested. Poor Harper" 
    
    "Yeah, I guess it was a poor Harper night."


End file.
